Twisted Christmas

Twisted Christmas

When I’m away at school, I never listen to the radio. It’s not like I don’t want to; I just don’t have the means of actually listening to a station due to my lacking of how to work the stereo in my dorm room. I’d rather not go through the trouble of deciphering channels. Needless to say, it came as a bit of a culture shock the last time I visited my parents at home to find certain stations blaring Christmas songs on a twenty four hour, seven day basis beginning in October. After having the Christmas Channel programmed in my car for two days, I already got sick of the endless repetition of ‘Feliz Navidad’ and the eighteen compilations of Lite Pop Christmas. This horrific discovery got me to thinking; do people actually like this sort of music being drilled into his or her head during the end months of the year, or do they feel like they have to listen for nostalgia effect?

For most people, the answer depends on the type of music he or she likes. I could imagine more pop and R&B listeners enjoying the yuletide cheer more so than heavy metal and rap fans. However, there are a few songs that clearly fall within either the Kill Me With a Yule Log or Christmas Bliss categories.

The perfect song that would fit in within the Kill Me With a Yule Log category would have to be at least two of the following traits:

• Extremely overplayed
• Gag-inducing clichéd
• Brings you back to bad memories of your childhood
• Slightly depressing

While this may seem like a controversial choice, the one song that stands out as fitting all of these qualities would be John Lennon’s ‘Merry Christmas (War Is Over)’. Being innovative back when it was released in the 1970’s, this song has grown old and weary, and also doesn’t fit the realist outlook that most hold today. While peace would be great to obtain, we have accepted that the world is not a perfect place, and one song will not change that. Also, having the children sing near the end in a ‘We Are The World’ moment is nauseatingly sweet. Having this song blare at least twice a day and having my father declare it the Best Christmas Song Ever decided Lennon’s untimely fate in my head.

Other songs that would fall into my listed traits include ‘Silent Night’, ‘Silver Bells’, ‘Jingle Bells’, ‘Deck The Halls’, and any Christmas song sung by Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston or any of the other powerful belters and wailers.

Of course, I’m not a stickler against ALL Christmas songs. That would be terrible of me, no? Personally, I prefer Christmas songs that are either extremely catchy or timeless, or both. The song that I most identify with in terms of fitting both criteria is ‘Christmas in Hollis’ by Run DMC. When released in the late 1980’s, Run DMC’s modern Christmas carol is unlike anything that has been released prior. Singing about how the members’ families have a laid-back Christmas with collard greens and macaroni and cheese, and how they chill with Frosty and Santa, the boys are clearly going to take advantage of enjoying the holiday with no worries or regrets. Throw in the sounds of jingle bells combined with turntable riffs and you have a newfound classic that should be overplayed, even after Christmastime is long gone.

Other songs that have similar effects on me would be ‘Christmas Wrapping’ by the Waitresses, ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! (How can you resist George Michael whispering Happy Christmas), any Christmas tune sung by Dean Martin and the Rat Pack, any song featured in the Claymation classic Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, and my favorite guilty pleasure Christmas song, ‘Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays’ by N*Sync.

As I look back on all of the Christmas music I have listened to during my lifetime, I have come to realize that a good chunk of them aren’t that bad. I wouldn’t mind listening to a loop of that on the grotesquely cheesy Christmas channel in my car. I’m sure most people wouldn’t mind listening to a good loop of Christmas music either (although I bet they would want the boy bands of the late 90’s to not be included within that mix). As long as people are saved from listening to yet another rendition of Mariah Carey’s ‘Joy to the World’, all would be well in the world.